When we talk about someone’s ability to manage and regulate their emotions, especially in stressful situations, we can think about their window of tolerance or how well they are able to tolerate changes in mood, energy levels, the daily demands of life, and unique challenges without overreacting or withdrawing and shutting down.
You might think of your window of tolerance a bit like a heating or cooling system. If you can make adjustments to maintain a steady, stable temperature by adjusting heat and cold (your range of emotional responses), you will be in a better position to think clearly and manage your emotions and behaviors.
The term window of tolerance was first introduced by child psychiatrist Dan Siegel, M.D, to describe this optimal zone where a person is not over- or under-aroused by what they are experiencing in the moment. When someone is within their window of tolerance, they are able to function in a relatively stable and adaptive way, even in the face of challenging circumstances.
A person’s window of tolerance is influenced by a variety of factors such as a history of trauma, current stress levels, and their overall level of resilience. When someone experiences stress or trauma, their window of tolerance may narrow, making it more difficult for them to manage their emotions and responses. When this happens, a person may experience a range of symptoms such as feeling anxious, irritable, or on edge (hyper-aroused). Others might react to stressful situations by feeling numb, disconnected, or disengaged (hypo-aroused).
One of the key goals of therapy, including therapy with children and families, is to help individuals expand their window of tolerance so they can better manage stress and regulate their emotions. Therapists can help clients learn to identify these difficult situations and develop skills for self-soothing and calming their nervous system. These techniques might include mindfulness, relaxation exercises, and changing unhelpful patterns of thinking.
Your window of tolerance is not fixed. It is likely wider when you are feeling well-rested and supported or based on the type of stressor you are facing. It may be narrower for someone who is sleep deprived, feeling isolated, or facing severe stressors such as trauma or abuse.
By understanding more about your own window of tolerance, you will better understand how you process and respond to stress and trauma, can develop greater coping skills and resilience, and be better able to quickly help yourself return to a state of calm.
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