Human beings have a strong need to be connected to other human beings. Especially for children, the bonds, or attachments, formed with parents or caregivers help them feel confident that their needs will be met, that they are safe, and that they can begin to explore the world.
There are lots of different ways to understand how individuals and families are functioning. One method that clinicians, including me, consider is the connection between child and caregiver, the nature and quality of their attachment relationship. Let’s explore further what we mean by attachment in this context.
First, a word of caution. Attachment is just one area of focus to help us explore healthy family dynamics and individual functioning. Learning more about your experiences of attachment with your child or children, and even thinking about your own experiences as a child, can provide helpful insights and direct our work together. But it won’t be helpful to rethink every experience you had as a child or every decision you’ve made as a parent.
Early points of connection
Attachment between children and caregivers starts early in life based on experiences such as how responsive a parent is to a child’s needs (with no one being perfect all the time), the consistency of care parents provide, and their ability to interact in emotionally healthy ways. These early experiences help shape the expectations children have for later relationships too and form what we call their “attachment style.” While a person’s attachment style tends to be pretty stable over time, it can also be impacted by relationships with others later in life and through therapy and other interventions.
The science behind our most current understanding of attachment identified three basic types: secure, insecure-avoidant, and insecure-ambivalent/resistant.
1. Secure attachment is associated with having a positive view of oneself and others. An individual with secure attachment is comfortable with intimacy and interdependence, is willing to seek support from others, and can maintain healthy and stable relationships. The percentage of adults with secure attachment varies in different cultures. In the United States, estimates are that about 50-60% of the population experienced secure caregiving in their childhood that resulted in secure attachment.
2. Insecure-avoidant attachment (sometimes called dismissive) most often shows up in someone who has a positive view of themselves but a negative view of others. They may avoid emotional intimacy and vulnerability and be highly focused on independence and self-sufficiency. Individuals with this attachment style may prioritize their own needs and goals over their partner's, leading to feelings of emotional distance and disconnection.
3. Insecure-ambivalent/resistant attachment (sometimes called anxious-preoccupied) can lead to adults who have a negative view of themselves and a positive view of others. They may seek a lot of reassurance and validation from partners and become overly dependent and clingy in relationships. Individuals with this attachment style may experience intense anxiety when their partner is unavailable or unresponsive.
These first three styles of attachment are considered ‘organized’, meaning that a pattern of relating with significant others is identifiable. There is a fourth style of attachment identified as ‘disorganized’, sometimes referred to as fearful-avoidant attachment. This type of attachment can arise out of situations where caregivers are both a source of safety as well as fear to young children. For this reason, adults with this attachment style may fear intimacy and rejection and alternate between seeking and avoiding emotional connection with others. They can feel trapped between a desire for closeness and a fear of being hurt or rejected and are more likely than others to struggle and suffer in relationships and in forming lasting connections.
While secure attachment is generally associated with better mental health outcomes and more satisfying relationships, attachment styles are not fixed in stone and individuals with non-secure attachment styles can learn to develop more secure patterns of relating to others. By understanding our own attachment style, we can gain insight into our behavior and develop strategies that help us build healthier and more satisfying relationships. That’s a key reason I encourage clients to approach thinking about patterns of interaction with their earliest caregivers with curiosity. When you understand more about healthy attachment, you can interrupt negative patterns and create new ones.
If this topic is of interest to you, I invite you to get in touch so we can explore together and help you create healthier, more fulfilling relationships in your life.
コメント