Parents who never fall short of their own expectations, make mistakes, disappoint their children, or wish they had a do-over are like unicorns; they don’t actually exist. Because, while often rewarding, parenting is also a tough job and a relentless one. You are literally caring for and shaping another human being!
But parenting has become even more challenging in the age of social media, celebrity culture, and a constant barrage of expert advice on how to do it “right.” Facebook posts of the best moments in people’s lives and Instagram photos by social influencers and celebrities create unreasonable comparisons and turn parenting into a competition where people only show their best days. We start to feel that raising children is like a project we can earn an “A” on and that everything our kids do is a reflection of our own worth.
And then there are all the experts with advice that is sometimes quite helpful and other times overwhelming, unrealistic, or even more focused on marketing books and products than offering genuine help. That kind of pressure and unrealistic expectations can lead many parents to feel inadequate, anxious, and stressed. And those feelings actually make it harder to parent.
The antidote to such pressured parenting involves first recognizing that there has never been — and never will be — a perfect parent. Parenting is full of ups and downs, good days and bad days, complicated feelings and sometimes big messes. I’ve experienced all of those feelings (sometimes all in one day) in parenting my three children. Instead of striving for perfection, focus on doing your best in that moment and being present for your child. Also consider limiting your time on social media, choosing just a few trusted and well-vetted sources of advice, and trust your own instincts. You know your child better than anyone else.
One of the best steps to becoming a better parent is to be kind to yourself and even to put your own needs first sometimes. When you make time for hobbies, exercise, socialization with friends, and alone time, you actually nurture yourself in ways that enable you to better nurture your child.
If you are feeling overwhelmed by parenting or pressure to be perfect, please reach out. You can become a better, calmer, more effective more and more fulfilled parent without ever getting anywhere close to perfection.
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